I haven't come across this one before and thought it may be of interest:
-- From: mja (Michael Abboud CV NSG) To: mjy Subject: Some cmdline humour} Subject: Funny UNIX Commands } X-Url: http://www.infi.net/~cashman/humor/canonical/unix.html } } Funny UNIX Commands } } Here is a list I compiled of UNIX commands that return witty error messages. } Some of the commands don't return the same error messages, depending upon } which OS you're running (ie SunOS, HP/UX, Ultrix, etc.). Have fun! } } If you know of any other funny UNIXisms that aren't here, please send them } to jimbo@nospam.statsci.com } } Thanks. } } --------------------------------------------------------- } } * % make fire } Make: Don't know how to make fire. Stop. } * % why not? } No match. } * % gotta light? } No match. } * % !1984 } 1984: Event not found. # (on some systems) } * % "How would you rate Bush's incompetence? } Unmatched ". } * % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa? } Missing ]. } * % [Where is my brain? } Missing ]. } * % If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have? } Too many ('s. } * % man: why did you get a divorce? } man:: Too many arguments. } * % \(- } (-: Command not found. } * % sh } $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense } no sense in pretending! } * $ mkdir matter; cat >matter } matter: cannot create } * % cd /tmp } % touch this; chmod 000 this } % ln -s /usr/bin/touch U } % U this } U: cannot touch this: no write permission } * % rm meese-ethics } rm: meese-ethics nonexistent } * % ^What is saccharine? } Bad substitute. } * % drink bottle: cannot open } opener: not found } * % alias alias alias } alias: Too dangerous to alias that. } * % cat catfood } cat: cannot open catfood } * % cat "food in cans" } cat: can't open food in cans } * % !bluemoon } bluemoon: Event not found. } * % scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"^J^D } "Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found } * % cat 'the can of tuna' } cat: cannot open the can of tuna } * % rm Quayle-brains } rm: Quayle-brains nonexistent } * % cat "door: paws too slippery" } cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery } * % look into "my eyes" } look: cannot open my eyes } * % lost } lost: not found } * % make war } Make: Don't know how to make war. Stop. } * % mkdir yellow_pages; cat > yellow_pages } yellow_pages: Is a directory } * %touch me } %chmod 000 me } %touch me } touch: cannot touch me: permission denied } * % ar x "my love life" } ar: my love life does not exist } * % ar x "matey, the treasure" } ar: matey, the tresure does not exist } * % talk Gorvachev@nospam.Kremlin } talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address. } * % talk Comrade Khruchev } [Your party is not logged on] } * % echo } '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc } GET A LIFE! } * % ping elvis.rice.edu | awk '{print substr($1,1,5), $2, $3}' } elvis is alive } * % make ' ' bang ' ' with gun } make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target ` ' } ------------------------------------------------------ } Main Page Canonical Lists Top Tens Songs Miscellaneous Other Sites } } cashman@nospam.infi.net }
-- This has been an MJM production for /\/\atthew (Mr. D.J.) YOUNG /\_^ Computer Systems Engineer -- NSG Analyst/Sun Systems Administrator / OZ \ ComputerVision, PO Box 1364, Lane Cove, Sydney, Australia, 2066 \ __ / Phone: ++61 2 844 8282 Fax: ++61 2 844 8333 * v AARNet: mjy@nospam.solomon.cv.com CV Service: 1800 226 311 http://linus.socs.uts.edu.au/~matthew AND //ftoomsh.socs.uts.edu.au/~matthew =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- | DOOM Prime Directive - If it moves, shoot it; | | if it doesn't move, shoot it until it does. |